Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8)

Conflict is inevitable in live. No matter how hard you try to avoid conflicts, there are disputes, big or small, in every relationship. It can be over thing from little piece of trash on the floor to television show, to temperature in the house, to food choices, to intimacy, to money, to jealousy... Most of the conflicts are minor but it’s how you resolve them that determine the quality of your relationship/environment. That is why loving one another is difficult. We are not truly free to love until we have learned how to de-escalate our daily conflicts. Here are some suggestions:

1/ Communication- set ground rules for open discussion together, talk about how you would like to handle conflicts.

2/ Honesty- say what’s on your mind and be sure to listen carefully. Acknowledge and accept one another emotions/feelings. DO NOT assume or cast judgement. It is usually okay to ask how the person feels and then to acknowledge it.

3/ Watching your defensive mechanism- When you start to get anxious or upset, you tend to act irrationally and become very defensive. It’s important to maintain a sense of self-control otherwise raise your voice and yelling, inappropriate languages can lead to greater irrationality.

4/ Resolving conflict ASAP-Resolve problems day-to-day while they are fresh. How you handle small, everyday issues will influence how you handle the larger ones when they come. If problems are left to simmer rather than addressing them in a calm and respectful manner, they can easily escalate into nasty remarks and heated arguments which may cause irreparable damage to an otherwise salvageable relationship.

5/ Forgiveness- everyone makes mistakes. The challenge is to forgive. Don't keep count. Make sure you choose the proper time and place for forgiveness: a walk before dinner, or a drive to a nearby park. Make it a firm promise to always forgive each other before going to sleep. Be willing to see where you are wrong. Accept responsibility for your contribution and apologize for it and be ready to be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”

6/ Be gentle, be kind, be loving- “Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.” (Romans 12:21) Looking for what is good in your relationship, getting hung-up in the past is a sure-fire way to make conflicts worse. When you shift the conversation to the future, you engage both you and the other person in a problem-solving activity rather than a fault-finding exercise. You create hope, and you make yourself less threatening. Be kind to yourself and to others!

Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. (Ephesians 4:26)

Lord Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace, teach me to be gentle, patient and kind. Give me the ability to respond tenderly to apologies.

Peace in Christ,
Father Vincent-Vuong Nguyen