Flocknote

When I met Allison, she was a 19-year-old addicted to adult internet content. She had first been exposed at 8 years old when some kid showed her some images on a PSP. In recounting the experience, she said that she was both disgusted and fascinated. She had never seen anything like that before and didn’t know where to find it. Her family was strict about computer usage, so it didn’t crop up again for several years. The next time she encountered it she was 13 and was doing a school project where she had to do some internet research. This time she put in some words that she had heard her classmates using and as she later described it “made the single worst decision of my life”. As soon as the images popped up on the screen, she couldn’t look away but knew that she shouldn’t be looking. They were like the images from the PSP but this time they were joined by physical and emotional sensations within herself that she not only had never experienced before but knew that she couldn’t control. She knew that it was a sin and that she shouldn’t have put those words in, but she was hooked.

At first, she would fight the impulse to look things up, but by the time she was 15 she was routinely sneaking out of her room at night to use the family computer when no one else was around. Even at the time she wanted to get caught but at the same time wanted the problem to just go away. By 16 she had just resigned herself to this being part of her life, which in an odd way made things easier. After all, if this was just part of who she was God was supposed to love her anyway, right? After that it was a cycle of trying to stay away and consistent use for several years. She described them as dark times where she wondered why God would create something like this. She thought that life wasn’t worth living if this is what God intended.

I met her after she happened to hear a homily, I gave in which I quoted something from scripture about God not creating anything harmful. As she started to talk, I quickly realized that she and God had some things to discuss. I let her rant for a while and then asked what she wanted God to do for her. She immediately said that she didn’t want this to be a part of her anymore. I replied that human sexuality was one of those things that God doesn’t take away because it is necessary. It was enough of a conversation that she wanted to talk again.

The next time she came back she wanted to know what God planned to do if He wasn’t going to take her sexuality away. I said He would love to heal her, what did she want healed? Immediately she brought up her internet search at the age of 13. Even as she talked about it, I could tell that there was something off about the whole thing. God typically doesn’t use condemnatory language in the same way that she was, so I started asking questions. It was a bit more of a process than I make it out to be but eventually it led to an epic moment for her. Our conversation led to me asking her the first time she had ever seen this stuff. She recounted the experience at age 8. I asked her to close her eyes and invite Jesus, Mary, and Joseph into the memory she had. They showed up in the scene and walked up to her desk. Jesus sat down while Mary and Joseph walked away with the other kid and the PSP. Jesus sat with 8 year old Allison and apologized that she had seen those things and gave her a hug.

Cut back to real time and Allison is sitting in front of me crying. She hadn’t realized that this was such a big memory for her. I asked her a few more questions and had her ask Jesus some things and then I just let her sit. Wouldn’t you know it, but things got a lot better for Allison that day. Her struggles didn’t completely go away but they did drastically improve. Her years of addiction left some bad habits in place that needed to be addressed but the overall power it had over her was broken. Jesus had kicked the devil’s butt in an unexpected way, at least for Allison. While this does tend to be one of the more dramatic Encounters, I have had the privilege of participating in it’s not unheard of. Each one of us has a unique way that God wants to find us and all we need to do is be open to being found. Allison was and her life was changed.