"Greater love has no one but this: that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).
Unless one is living in a cave - a very deep one at that - friends and friendship are an integral part of our lives. Some of our friends we have known since childhood, many not quite so long. We can have friends for so many reasons. For some, we may like to be in their company and have many interests in common, for others there is a mutual benefit, for still others an attachment forms after a situation that requires people to come together for a common purpose (in a school or work environment, for example). We may even boast in the hundreds of "friends" we have on Facebook! We can have friendships that build us up and friendships that can actually harm us. We may sometimes take our friendships for granted. What does our faith tell us about friendship? Can our definition of "friendship" be expanded to some we may not now consider as friends?
It may be helpful to think of friendship in terms of its origin. The Catechism (CCC) tells us that "The eternal community of divine friends is the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Their divine friendship spills out into the world. God’s desire for friendship with creation is fulfilled perfectly in the sending of his own beloved Son, Jesus Christ, redeemer of man. In his life, death and resurrection, the divine offer of friendship is extended to you and to me as “… embracing in his human heart the Father’s love for men, Jesus ‘loved them to the end,’ for ‘greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 609). Using their Greek terms, in the relationships in which we participate - from the acquaintances we have (philia), through the love that spouses and families have (eros/pragma), to the love of God Himself (agape) - we also participate in the eternal and perfect union of the Holy Trinity.
In considering this, we must avoid the mistake of accepting the "conventional wisdom" which says that certain elements as requirements in friendships. One notable example of this is the "friends with benefits" fallacy. While it is certainly good to consider that one has "married their best friend", physical intimacy - for example - in itself does not constitute the basis of a friendship. Introducing an element which is not properly ordered to a relationship degrades that relationship to one of utility (where each person uses the other merely as a means to an end instead of as an end in him- or herself). This misunderstanding has led in a large part to the acceptance of cohabitation outside of marriage and the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex couples.
Why is it so important to keep a proper notion about friendship? Ultimately, friendship in its many forms and dimensions - friendship with God and true friendship with each other - is the goal of Christian existence. It is learned throughout our lives on Earth and culminates with the Beatific Vision of Heaven. Our very creation by God is an eternal and unique act of divine friendship for which no one, however hard we might try, ever reflects adequately in their thanksgiving and praise to God: “The first man was not only created good, but was also established in friendship with his Creator” (CCC, 374). And also: “God created man in his image and established him in his friendship. A spiritual creature, man can live this friendship only in free submission to God” (CCC, 396). How we grow in our relationships with others (using their Greek terms) - from the acquaintances of friends (philios), through the love of spouses and families (eros/pragma) to the love of God Himself (agape) - we participate, reflect and grow to learn more about the divine and perfect friendship found within the Holy Trinity.
The sacraments of the Church are evidence of Christ's desire to make known and to increase his friendship with us. Through them we are initiated (Baptism and Confirmation), strengthened and unified (Eucharist), restored and healed (Reconciliation and Anointing of the Sick), and given the opportunity to receive and offer to others the abundant graces that overflow from the font of God’s love (Matrimony and Holy Orders). In the sacraments, “God shows forth his almighty power by converting us from our sins and restoring us to his friendship by grace” (CCC, 277).
Friendships can change our lives forever. In fact, many of those in the past may have done so in ways of which we may not be conscious. But, just as the results of ongoing friendship depend on how well friends keep in touch with each other, our friendship with God will rely on the same continuous contact. God may not call on the phone, but He will communicate at any time with us in prayer. God may not write us a letter, but He has written about His love for us in the Scriptures. God may not ring our doorbell, but He calls us to speak and be nourished in Him through our church bells, seeking to gain entry in our hearts so that we can be His friends and He can be ours.
It may be helpful to think of friendship in terms of its origin. The Catechism (CCC) tells us that "The eternal community of divine friends is the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Their divine friendship spills out into the world. God’s desire for friendship with creation is fulfilled perfectly in the sending of his own beloved Son, Jesus Christ, redeemer of man. In his life, death and resurrection, the divine offer of friendship is extended to you and to me as “… embracing in his human heart the Father’s love for men, Jesus ‘loved them to the end,’ for ‘greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 609). Using their Greek terms, in the relationships in which we participate - from the acquaintances we have (philia), through the love that spouses and families have (eros/pragma), to the love of God Himself (agape) - we also participate in the eternal and perfect union of the Holy Trinity.
In considering this, we must avoid the mistake of accepting the "conventional wisdom" which says that certain elements as requirements in friendships. One notable example of this is the "friends with benefits" fallacy. While it is certainly good to consider that one has "married their best friend", physical intimacy - for example - in itself does not constitute the basis of a friendship. Introducing an element which is not properly ordered to a relationship degrades that relationship to one of utility (where each person uses the other merely as a means to an end instead of as an end in him- or herself). This misunderstanding has led in a large part to the acceptance of cohabitation outside of marriage and the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex couples.
Why is it so important to keep a proper notion about friendship? Ultimately, friendship in its many forms and dimensions - friendship with God and true friendship with each other - is the goal of Christian existence. It is learned throughout our lives on Earth and culminates with the Beatific Vision of Heaven. Our very creation by God is an eternal and unique act of divine friendship for which no one, however hard we might try, ever reflects adequately in their thanksgiving and praise to God: “The first man was not only created good, but was also established in friendship with his Creator” (CCC, 374). And also: “God created man in his image and established him in his friendship. A spiritual creature, man can live this friendship only in free submission to God” (CCC, 396). How we grow in our relationships with others (using their Greek terms) - from the acquaintances of friends (philios), through the love of spouses and families (eros/pragma) to the love of God Himself (agape) - we participate, reflect and grow to learn more about the divine and perfect friendship found within the Holy Trinity.
The sacraments of the Church are evidence of Christ's desire to make known and to increase his friendship with us. Through them we are initiated (Baptism and Confirmation), strengthened and unified (Eucharist), restored and healed (Reconciliation and Anointing of the Sick), and given the opportunity to receive and offer to others the abundant graces that overflow from the font of God’s love (Matrimony and Holy Orders). In the sacraments, “God shows forth his almighty power by converting us from our sins and restoring us to his friendship by grace” (CCC, 277).
Friendships can change our lives forever. In fact, many of those in the past may have done so in ways of which we may not be conscious. But, just as the results of ongoing friendship depend on how well friends keep in touch with each other, our friendship with God will rely on the same continuous contact. God may not call on the phone, but He will communicate at any time with us in prayer. God may not write us a letter, but He has written about His love for us in the Scriptures. God may not ring our doorbell, but He calls us to speak and be nourished in Him through our church bells, seeking to gain entry in our hearts so that we can be His friends and He can be ours.
One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.
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